No title needed

Been so fcking long. Why now? Why again? Stop. Make it stop. It hurts. More deep than ever. Thought it was done. Not sure now though. Is it regret? Is it just cause it is unfair? What is fair then? Don't care anymore. That's a lie. Done so much better things and so many happy memories. So many people and new connections. Even after finding someone to care about. Still can't forget that pain. What a fcking mess. Need something. Something to make me stable again. Can't have it given to me. Need to find it myself. What about tomorrow that i will forget everything? I make no fcking sense do i? Well. Some might get it. Some with scars that never heal. That's it. Can't make myself more pathetic. Enough. Come back to the present. Back to Now. Laughing and crying. So stupid. That's what i get for being me. 

Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

What to do???

So help me out. At what point do you up and leave when the position you are in it is not how it should, but rather feels like you were manipulated into it and now you have a very unpleasant daily life. From my part i still believe that i might be wrong in some way and that everything is going to work out just fine. Being a masochist that is all i'm doing ^^. Any other situation like this in the past, i would have left right then and there. Is it that i'm getting old? Now you wouldn't call 30 as old but still it is not 20 ;). Anyway. Returning to the subject. Can i find a way for me to be able to destroy the delusions in my head and finally see that it can only get worst and not better. Is it human nature or just me? I wouldn't call it faith. More like stupidity. Still though here i am having second thoughts. Circling around the same thoughts again and again and again. How to brake this awful loop. External push might help but if i'm not willing then who will? I can smell smoke. Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

Wounded Dog

I got my ticket to fuck-town. Time to celebrate. Finally free from it. I am officially not able to do most of the things everyone else is doing. I'm so happy! My soul won't stop crying. Everyone now looks at me with that specific way, where they're practically saying "you're now useless and fucked". I look like a wounded dog. Some might say it's better to be put down. Inside i'm screaming. I AM NOT USELESS. I CAN DO MORE. DON'T WRITE ME OFF. I'M NOT DEAD MEAT. I'M STILL ALIVE. I CAN HELP. Who listens? Waiting for a response that will never come. Walking a lonely road. Well, i'm used to it. Being alone ain't a new thing. That look i get from others though. That is indeed unbearable. My anger is frozen by my inability to convince. All i have is a keyboard that feels and understands me. The keyboard is crying... Don't let me thing. It's Dangerous!

Whining

Off to a new start. Off to a new way of thinking. Enough with the old. Bring the new into my life. What the fuck am i saying? I'm always so full of shit! There's nothing new. It's always the same. Only thing gained is the experience. From that alone you can start making new decisions. And right there is the big problem. Ready set Go. Ready set Go. GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Nothing! So optimistic, making these ideas in my head and thinking that this is it. But nothing. No actions! Thinking of what to do and doing what i'm thinking are two different things. I'm too lazy. I'm too afraid. I'm too indifferent. The lies i tell to myself. I'm too busy. I'm too sick. I'm too poor. Even though i do have a huge obstacle in my life and i'm sure you have one of those, does that justify inaction? It's not fair. But it is what it is. Deal with it and stop whining. I'm not saying be great but at least do something. You have an expiration date. Move your ass and start doing things.

PS another attack came as i was writing. So i'll stay here not doing anything. Not moving forward. Whining. Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

Frustrated

Off we go. Come on. Let's go. We're going to run and run and run. Destination? Unknown! Anywhere that the heartless can't survive. Somewhere without corrupted people. Does a place like that really exist? I hope it does. It's where i want to be. Away from the pain that others cause. Away from the pain that i cause to myself by staying. Why do i stay? I shouldn't be here. Someone out there who can help? No! None! Only i can help myself. It's lonely. Well loneliness is an old friend so i think i'll be alright. It'll be nice though to have company. I don't know. I'm getting old too fast and can't stop the frustrations. Please don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

Time Limit

The one thing i'll never understand. Life! I think i understand the rules but i don't really go by them. I guess i like to make my own ^-^ That doesn't exclude me in any way though from reality. You see i'm still in the same game as you. My time is limited though. I've seen and heard so many cases where people used their remaining time accomplishing great things, but i'm not one of them. I'm a coward. Curled up in a black hole. I don't know how much time i have so what's the fucking point. What about you? Are you a coward? Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

Meaning

At what point do you realise that everything you've been doing so far is worthless??? I mean what's the point? Either you try hard to achieve something you regret or just be lazy and regret that you've achieved nothing! It all comes down to regret. Cause you're never sure and you're never satisfied! You greedy bastards!!! Isn't this enough? What more do you want? I'll tell you what. You're the same as me. And i know exactly what it is that you need. That's what i need too. MEANING!!! The only thing that's missing from our lives. That's what you call meaningless! You can pretend all you want that everything is how it supposed to be but you don't fool me. I know. I'm in the same shit. Maybe deeper ^-^ There you have it. Nothing helpful for you here. Only realisation. Wise words from an untalented, unqualified, stupid person. Me ^-^ Please Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

Overthinking

It just happens, you know? Comes and goes. You can call it whatever you want. Bad luck, bad decisions, wrong judgement, too many drinks etc. It happens though. Most of the times there's barely anything you can do. And if there is, you fail to act miserably. What can you say? Except fuck, shit, ffs, fucking hell etc. Scars. Everywhere. Who gives a shit right? Well i do. Oh never mind me. I'm just getting older. Realising more and more the lies i was fed. So what to do? Continue on the same road? Do i start doing shit the same way the ones before me did? Not sure what to say. As much as i enjoy dreaming, reality is the only place to live in. I guess a good place to start is by suppressing my ego. What i want or what i think, isn't always right. Maybe it is for me but not so sure about the others. Suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, suppressing... My head hurts! Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

What was i thinking?

Ever thought what it would be like if the leader of the country(any you want) was no other than the neighbor your grandma used to buy eggs from? And the rest of the government officials are his goats!
Some times i can't tell if its a joke to laugh about or a twisted nightmare that makes you cry. With all the brown-noising in the air, i lost my line of thought.

Depressing

Found another moment to sit down and start blubbering. Yes. Here we go again >.< Well what can i do? It's unavoidable! ^-^ So anyway. I was watching a video the other day about leaders, dictators and power. It got me thinking. Is it that bad to want something different than the current status? I know haw the system works(well partially) and what it needs, but i can't stop thinking about all the casualties. Those who are in a way sacrificed, just so targets or goals can be achieved. I always believed that there's going to be a time that everything is going to get better, and that the suffering of others isn't going to be something that we will still discuss. It seems that we are creating more suffering knowingly, than we did when we had no clue. Why are we sitting idle, with our mouth shut, closed ears, and we look away? So much fear spread around by groups in control. We are more divided today than we ever were. So f*cking depressing. If only people were more eager to help than to be helped... 0_0 Well, what can you do? We're just a bunch of selfish bastards right? O_o
Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

Dreams?

I happen to know a lot of people. I mean really a lot! A boy's dream or a girls dream, that is something i could not get my head around. Everyone had their own thoughts and ideas, and they believed different things. Some active and some passive. Some i miss and some i don't. Some i hurt and some hurt me. Some are here and some are gone. Still can't get my head around it. Everyone is free (not really) to pursue their dream (but don't) but is that dream worth it? How can you tell that you're not just another loon? And where's the value in that dream? ex. is money all you want? Or is it just a way to get to your real dream? I don't understand. Where does the dream really start? How would you know? Are you sure? It might just be another idea of yours. What i came down to is that every real dream involves sharing. Not always with others but still sharing. It could be with nature or animals. Basically it's sharing with whatever you care about deeply. If you don't then that's just your ego going crazy, not a dream. Do i have a dream? No! I don't! I have dreamssssssssssss! Always there. Looking at me non stop. Stalking me like sweaty perverts. Even when i'm taking my clothes off! You stinky twats! Go away! >.<
Don't let me think. It's Dangerous! 

Tik-Tok

Am i wrong? Question for a start. How wonderful! Now listen. If people have buttons that if you push they go "off" and you know about it, then if you do push them its your fault (in some cases). BUT! If some people don't have buttons, but timers that go "off" at any given time, and if you are someone like me, then you punch whatever the fuck you find and you don't ask questions! There are some moments where you may choose to say nothing, just so you will spear yourself from all the bullshit, but in those moments where extremely hot blood rises and fills your head, you just act accordingly. Slap that bitch and slap her Hard!!! I know it makes no sense to some, but i'm sure it does make sense to some who face similar situations ^-^ Cheers to those who do !!! I'll buy you a pint some time later! (If i see you that is. And if you do know that is me and you do remember about what i wrote here, which is rather unlikely, lucky me!) So anyway. If there's a point then this is it. I don't take shit from anyone! You may go "off" at any given moment but be very careful not to push my buttons. You might not be glad that you did! I'm not gonna kill you of course. But i'm sure gonna wipe the fucking floors with your face.
Don't let me think. It's Dangerous!

You're a Loon

Madness is not that far away. Just take the time to calculate the potentials of your abilities and the results of your inabilities, and you're there! Ha ha! A proper loon! Can't escape it. Although you can find ways to distract yourself. Many things to choose from. They make you look sane again. But you still are a loon!!! Can't stop thinking of Woody the woodpecker's laugh!!!

The future

The future is here. Now we need a new future to imagine. New ideas. New hopes. New dreams. New fears. It came so fast, we don't even know its here. No reactions. Unfortunately we are so deep into our problems that we don't pay attention to anything. So many great stuff that we fail to see. Such a waste. We used to dream. Now we're just surviving. We're at a point where knowledge is used to manipulate us and not to make us smarter. So sad. How did we let this happen? Well go team dickheads. Don't let me think. It's dangerous!

It's Complicated

Some lies are truths, and some truths are lies. Perspective makes the difference. Not everything is what it seems and almost anything is just what it looks like. Everyone misunderstood and none taken the wrong way. The most wonderful people are the most disgusting, and the most horrible ones the most beautiful. I'm sure of everything, but i can't say for certain. I love the way i feel, but i hate the way it is. So many things i wish they could happen, So many more i hope they never do.
If you think i'm complicated, then try and understand how much more complicated this world is. The only way it can function is when we come together. Alone, we fight. Together, we live! Don't let me think. It's dangerous!

"Normal"

There was once a boy. He wanted to learn it all. He wanted to learn "how" to learn it all. Mainstream ways weren't enough for him. Not satisfying. He created his own. He was "goooooood". Although he got rid of the mainstream ways, he could not escape the mainstream problems. Those followed him around quite often. He did not pay attention. For him the problems were too mainstream to bother. Time past, really fast. And now mainstream problems are his biggest issue. Funny isn't it?! He was soo abnormal and he had to do everything his way. In the end he ended up fighting to gain a "normal" status. A "normal life". A "normal future". But "normal", doesn't exist. It's just a fantasy. Nothing is normal. And certainly not him. He discovered that things are not normal but similar. They look alike but not the same nonetheless. Now tell me that something as random as that is "normal" ^-^. It's not ! Don't let me think. It's dangerous !!!

Ghost

i wish you could see me now. See what I've become. The old me is dead. Still inside me, but dead. I'm happy to say that you didn't kill me. It wasn't you. You tried it but couldn't finish the job. You see, you've left me for dead but i wasn't. Others saw into it. How nice. No funeral. No grave. Nothing. Its like I've never existed. Hahaha. I guess i must be a ghost. No other explanation. I'm tired. I leave you now. I'm going to find my friend Casper. Bye bye.

Mumbling

Not much for today. Just that I find it funny when people with no direction at all try to tell me what to do. Yeah. I can fix my puzzle just fine. When you're done with yours then come talk to me. Some roles are very mistaken. Choosing to forget does not change things. The facts are clear. Don't mistake my patience for stupidity. I'm fully aware of what's going on. The solution is simple. Clear whatever you must and then you'll have the chance to get rid of me. Although so far I'm not the one who's in the way. I've been more helpful than unhelpful. You fail to recognise that. From all I was the first to step in whenever you needed help. Still I'm. Perhaps the next thing you should do is check your attitude. A bit of responsibility might help you too. You see you fail to criticise the most important person. You. Though even if you did, I'm not sure you'll find anything wrong. It works differently depending on the person. That's for a start. Good luck. Watch your attitude.

It's Coming! Soon!

Never forget! I'm not going to! Always remember! I will! You do know that nothing ends like that. Nothing goes away. Everything gets paid in this life. Not the next! Get ready! It's coming soon. And don't even dare to blame me for the result! Your mistake. You simply shouldn't fuck with the wrong people! You see being a dick for you is one think, being a dick for everyone else is another. No need for you to know what i'm talking about. Me knowing is enough! All you will know the name of the prize! Trust me you will! 

Empty Tank

I don't have time to cry for everyone separately. If i do it 1 by 1 i'll never finish. Therefor i do it once for all. As simple as that. I'm lame, i know. I should be crying for myself. After all i am a selfish bastard. But i have no more tears for me. Wasted too many already. After 1 year in misery and melancholy, after all that sadness, i remembered how it feels to care again. I never forgot its just that something happened and made me shake harder than a fully charged vibrator. Lol funny. If you're not laughing then ask someone to tickle you. Can't have you destroy my sense of humor! Anyways. As i was saying, today i got scared for someone else. It felt horrible. I could hear my heart beating out of my chest. I'm not that kind of person, but still i couldn't help myself. Time stopped, i couldn't think of anything else. Memories of my past came out and took over me. I was out. Then big questions came into my head. What do i do? What? Shall i do something? Maybe not? I can't? I mustn't? I'l  make it worse? What if i don't do anything? What then?
"Stop thinking so much. You just gonna have to take a decision. What are the risks? What are you willing to sacrifice? Make up your mind and do it."
In case you didn't get it, that was me talking to myself. Not saying you are stupid, just maybe a bit slow. He he. Joke. Tickle tickle tickle. ^-^"
Moving on. In the end i had my answer. And so I've put my nose where it didn't belong. As it turned out, i didn't had to do anything. Everything was fine. That's when i felt stupid. But still it was my decision. I don't feel proud of myself. Just a bit sad. Cause all of them memories are still here. With me. They don't want to go away. Spinning inside my head. Some good and some bad. All of them making me equally sad. Some of them created cause of decisions i've made and some of them not. And here i am now, sitting in front of a keyboard, spilling guts out again. But no tears. No tears. How cruel.